On Drinking

I just want to get my editorialness out of the way early with my first post in the Guide.

Look, kids.  Drinking isn't necessarily bad for you.  In fact, in Paul's writings to Timothy in the Bible, he tells Timothy to have a glass of wine for health.  However, the Bible also warns against overindulgence in many, MANY places.  Here's my guide to not overdoing it, in regards to the Stages of Drunk.

The most minor Stage of Drunk is probably the one where you should most likely stop drinking, because everything will still be funnier at this stage.  This Stage of Drunk is normally known as being "Buzzed".  You're in a more relaxed state, but you still have some of your inhibitions.  I wouldn't recommend driving or drinking more at this stage, BUT it will make those who indulge more be a LOT funnier.

The second Stage of Drunk, as my grandmother so aptly put it, is Half in the Bag.  I don't know where that came from, but you have pretty much NO inhibitions at this point.  You really shouldn't drive in this state, but you still are entertaining to those who are not completely sober.  In addition, you probably will still remember clearly what you did last night and kick yourself in the morning.

Also, here's the third Stage of Drunk, known as Completely in the Bag.  You probably should shut up right about at this point, because now you're just inane.  Your inhibitions are still gone, but, also, you probably won't remember what happened the night you drank all that.  Being blacked out and having no clue what you're doing (note: not passed out, we'll cover that later) or puking may be involved.

The final Stage of Drunk is, as I came up with, Blown Out of the Bag.  You will puke, and you will probably puke a lot.  You will then pass out (note: not sleeping intentionally, mind you).  You are long gone for the night.  Sweet dreams, and enjoy your hangover the next day!

Anyway, my point in labeling these Stages of Drunk is this: Don't get past the first Stage of Drunk!  It's not smart!  If at all possible, be a teetotaler!  The drunk people are much funnier when you're hyper than when you're buzzed!